What are friends for

I'm so sick of riding this roller coaster that V and N call us being friends. i'm tired of wondering if one or the other is angry with me or pissed off at me. or if it's just that all 3 of us are busy and it's hard to keep in contact with each other. but i think that's complete bullshit.

i think they have beef with me and just won't say anything because i'm supposed to be the one that says something to them. i'm fuckin busy too. i have a lot of shit going on too. it's bullshit because earlier last month beginning of this month i was in the middle of their fuckin drama. maybe the gf is right and i'm seeing it this way because i was in the middle of their shit. but honestly. no text msg's.. no calls.. when i call i get a text msg in return that sounds distant and cold?

where the fuck are my supposed best friends? where the fuck were they when i really needed them? when i try to msg them i get one worded answers. they never ask me how i'm doing.

i'm at the point of getting ready to call it quits. i have friends that are farther away in distance that are better friends than they are right now. i mean seriously. if this is how it's going to be let's fucking end it because this bullshit is too much to take along with everything else that's going on.

i feel like screaming...crying... something that will get them to notice that i'm here. if they want me here i will be here but right now i get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that i cant explain.

its been like 4 years since i met v and for the first year things were cool, even when we were dating. but things changed. i changed. for her.